The first cut is the deepest...

especially when it sneaks up out of the blackness. I know we have all had that shock. That ONE person that you were sure would not turn on you ever. Hell, I am probably guilty of being that person once of twice if I am truly honest. It doesn't make it hurt any less. I don't feel good about it. I just go on hoping that I have grown and learned from my past.

You defend this person to your other friends. You go to bat for them constantly and in all areas of their life. You even freeze your ass off on Christmas Eve to make sure they have a Christmas morning with their kids. Sadly, in the end it doesn't matter and you bleed as you watch a friendship spiral down the drain. I have discussed this with another close friend a lot and I agree with her that being the only one that gives a shit will make me crazy. I am mad FUCKING PISSED because as long as I hold on to the anger I won't drown in the loss and grief of losing someone very important to me.

I honestly haven't felt this bad since MSG passed. I feel like my heart has been stabbed, ripped out, had a hunk taken out of it, and put back in to try and function. And you wonder in what other ways this person has or will turn on you.

I have survived so much in my 35 years on this earth and I WILL survive this but I will never again be the same person. I will never again trust the same way. Things will never be the same way again. The trio has become a duo and there is nothing more that can be done.